In its six years, the column was usually meant to be funny, although it had its serious moments. It won four Nevada State Press Association awards in the small daily newspaper category: third place for best local column in 1998 (I had to enter three of my first four columns because of the award submission deadline), first place for best local column in 1999, first place for best local non-staff column in 2000 and second place for best local non-staff column in 2003.
Versions of this column have also been published in the Las Vegas Senior Press, Las Vegas Mercury and Las Vegas CityLife.
Here are columns, with the newest ones at the top. With comments or questions, please e-mail me at mailto:jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org
Exit stage
left: It's time for the Daily Sparks Tribune Humor Column Department to say
goodbye.
March 9, 2004
What? Me Worry?
HELL YES!: A recent Pentagon report -- largely ignored in the United States
-- says that global warming could lead to some very, very bad consequences.
Gulp...
March 2, 2004
Are the two
parties really the same?: Ralph Nader and other third-party folks claim the
two major parties are the same. This begs the question: Are Nader and his homies
on crack?
February 24, 2004
Ignoring the
guilt pangs as I sip my vanilla latte: OK, so I am a progressive who has a
thing for Starbucks. I can handle the hypocritical guilt. Really.
*Sniff.*
February 17, 2004
The news that
we REAL people want!: Who cares about Martha Stewart? I want news about MP3
players for my weapons!
February 10, 2004
Putting the
story before the truth: The longtime editor of the Weekly World News is
dead, and journalists across the country are expressing grief.
February
3, 2004
Nevada gets
ready to rock it at the caucus: As other states hold their presidential
primaries, Nevadans are hard-nippled over ... caucuses!
January 27,
2004
Copyright
this!: Village Voice Media and Microsoft illustrate how whacked corporations
have become these days when it comes to the Name Game.
January 20,
2004
The great
sofa-shopping experiment: I started out with a crappy futon, and after some
help from Big Al, I had some black leather.
January 13, 2004
When Britney
and Mars collide: The news bulletins came in fast and furious, almost
simultaneously: We were on Mars! And ... Britney Spears was
married!
January 6, 2004
Making the
transition from cold-weather wizard to warm-weather wimp: I used to be
unfazed by cold weather. And then, I moved to the desert
southwest.
December 30, 2003
Busy?
Overwhelmed? Never fear; here's a holiday news recap: Too busy to read the
newspaper or catch the news broadcast? Here's the news that the Daily Sparks
Tribune Humor Column Department doesn't want you to miss.
December 23,
2003
Celebrating the
insanity of the season: We wear hats that look like impotent dunce caps. We
kill innocent trees to celebrate the birth of our savior. Did you ever realize
how warped many holiday traditions are?
December 16, 2003
A trip into the
heart of Europe -- with a lot of second-hand smoke: Yet more (cough cough)
news and commentary (hack!) from the smoky (cough! hack!) confines of
Austria.
December 9, 2003
Think life is
not funny? Come to Austria!: In this history-making column (it's the first
known Sparks Tribune-exclusive humor column ever to be written from Europe), I
discuss how absoluely freakin' hilarious Austria is.
December 2,
2003
The Michael
Jackson case: Portraits of stupidity: Fans from the around the world are
uniting to proclaim that Michael Jackson is innocent. While that may or may not
be the case, one thing is for sure: These fans should be
institutionalized.
November 25, 2003
Web searching
for 'nude baseball'? Look no further!: A search of the Web site stats for
this column brings up some interesting, funny and occasionally alarming
facts.
November 18, 2003
The problems
with bad writing: Movies, newspaper headlines and other forms of media
illustrate that bad writing is running rampant these days.
November 11,
2003
Are new
petition drives just cries for attention?: A Nevada Republican activist says
he's going to get voters to repeal all of the recent state tax increases. Me
thinks somebody wants some attention.
November 4, 2003
Did natural
disasters delay your travel? Blame the airlines: Me and thousands of folks
found ourselves stranded in Los Angeles after the area's horrible fires
threatened an air traffic control tower. It was not a pretty
sight.
October 28, 2003
When capitalism,
fetishes and e-mail collide: Have you ever stopped to look at the e-mail
spam you receive? It tells us a lot about the current human
condition.
October 21, 2003
The art of
dentistry procrastination: I let 10 years pass between trips to the dentist.
Now I remember why I don't like going to the dentist.
October 14,
2003
Our neighbors
illustrate the absurdity of politics: As our neighbors to the west go to
vote in one of the stupidest elections in history, the world
laughs.
October 7, 2003
Please keep
your bodily smells and noises to yourself: I didn't know it was possible for
someone's breath to be so bad that you could smell it when the person had his
mouth closed and was facing away from you. Well, guess what?
September
30, 2003
Lawsuits and
other things done by vermin: Some of Las Vegas' most annoying television
lawyers have oozed their way to Reno. This is depressing.
September 23,
2003
Stupid
celebrities shouldn't breed: Arnold's running for governor. So is alleged
comedian Gallagher. And now Yoko Ono's performing nude. Good
lord.
September 16, 2003
Just your
typical diet evening: A dieter shopping at Safeway while hungry is not a
pretty sight.
September 9, 2003
Thoughts and
observations on the plague of outdoor fairs: I've been to all sorts of fairs
recently, and I have several questions, most notably: Why in the hell would
anyone want a piece of rice with his/her name on it?
September 2,
2003
Made-up letters
on taxes, whitewater rafting and "the schnide": In this batch of made-up
reader letters, we discuss topics ranging from Nevada football to "whitewater"
rafting in downtown Reno.
August 26, 2003
Lint brushes
and Chef Boyardee in downtown Reno: A recent evening in downtown Reno serves
as evidence that it's getting weirder and weirder there.
August 19,
2003
Reserving seats
at this upcoming meeting of the minds: There's a good chance that one day,
Kenny Guinn and Arnold Schwarzenegger will meet as fellow governors of
neighboring states. Could you imagine?!?
August 12, 2003
Yet more
examples of stupid people who shouldn’t breed: People who wine for no good
reason. People who get in my way. They all need to GO!
August 5,
2003
Cover up your
head AND your top while motorbiking!: People riding motorbikes sans helmets
are frightening enough. But people riding motorbikes sans
CLOTHING?!?
July 29, 2003
The stupidity
may be coming to an end!: The late-breaking word is the stupidest
legislative session in Nevada history may be almost over. Thank God.
July
22, 2003
Channel surfing
through idiotic Storm Alerts: All I wanted to do was watch TV. But my
enjoyment was impeded by urgent storm alerts. But it was merely
sprinkling. Why does TV news suck so much?
July 15, 2003
Frightening
insight into the behavior of worked-up women: I found myself at a recent
performance of the Thunder From Down Under male revue. And I found myself
frightened.
July 8, 2003
Wanting less
government means wanting it in all areas: Not to beat a dead horse here, but
are all "conservative" Republicans on crack? Their hypocrisy indicates that they
are.
July 1, 2003
A tough time to
be a politician: Kenny Guinn's getting his butt kicked. Fidel Castro's
getting crank calls. Tony Blair's getting mocked for being Dubya's lapdog. Poor
fellas.
June 24, 2003
Not a
productive way to convert the heathen masses: A man decided to spend his
Saturday night preaching in downtown Reno. Did he really think this could be an
effective use of his time?
June 17, 2003
Trapped in a
plane in the heart of Texas: I was on my way to Pittsburgh for a convention
and a baseball game. Let's just say we were delayed due to the evils of the Lone
Star State.
June 10, 2003
The case of the
short woman and the perfume: A trip to Cost Plus for wine damn near ended in
tragedy for me due to an overabundance of fragrance.
June 3, 2003
How I spent my
Memorial Day vacation: Let's say you're driving your Mom's car and it
decides to crap out. And let's say it does this literally in the middle of
Reno's busiest intersection. Let's just say it sucks when this
happens.
May 27, 2003
More journalism
morons run amok: Jayson Blair and Stephen Glass are making all the headlines
these days. Yes, it truly is a sad time to be a journalist.
May 20,
2003
Those wild and
wacky legislators!: Recent headlines show that the more things change in
Carson City, the more things stay the same. God save the state.
May 13,
2003
These people
need to calm down their bad selves: I am starting to think all these
right-wing morons named Pat have a point. And if you believe that, then your
name just may be "Pat," too.
May 6, 2003
Not all
journalists are dweebs! We promise!: We have been asked to explain that not
all media folks are cretins -- one or two of us still have ethics and morals.
April 29, 2003
The idiocy of
chain stores continues!: Would someone please explain to me why there are 42
Walgreens stores within 25 miles of my home?
April 22, 2003
The
embarrassing things we humans do: As I was driving to work the other day, I
passed a driver distracted as he rooted around in his nose. This got me
thinking.
April 15, 2003
Experiences
flying the stupid skies: Based on what I've seen on airplanes and in
airports recently, I am convinced that people are getting increasingly moronic.
April 8, 2003
Taking a look
at the tax proposals: The Legislature is currently dealing with legislation
that will determine the fiscal future of Nevada. How frightening is that?
April 1, 2003
Does anybody
need a ton of cat fur?: My cat is shedding massively, breaking laws of
physics in the process. It's kinda freaking me out.
March 25, 2003
War, Dixie
Chick boycotts and Celine: Scary!: It's hard to be a humor columnist, what
with the blight of war, Celine Dion and having to like the Dixie
Chicks.
March 18, 2003
Another reason
why foreigners think Americans are luantics: Times are tough in America
right now. Despite this, however, a craze is sweeping the nation: The Giant
Cheeto.
March 11, 2003
Saddam vs.
Rather: Get over it!: I went on a right-wing talk show recently, and the
whackadoos were ticked that an American journalist had THE NERVE to interview
Saddam. What a bunch of morons!
March 4, 2003
Torn over the
prospects of war: Whatever you think of the impending war with Iraq, you
have to admit: It's sad that we're still going through this killing crap in the
year 2003.
February 25, 2003
Ah, the stupid
things we do: If humans are capable of putting a man on the moon, how is it
possible they're also capable of bonehead maneuvers like closing garage doors on
top of their cars?
February 18, 2003
These senior
movie-goers need to shut the heck up!: A recent "About Schmidt" screening
made me realize: Given the choice between a theater full of teens or a theater
full of seniors, I'll take the teens.
February 11, 2003
Budget cuts
hurt NASA safety: In this non-humor column, I reflect on the Columbia
tragedy -- and how Congress has itself to blame for putting those astronauts in
jeopardy.
February 4, 2003
On the road
again: I absolutely loathe moving. It's a fact. Then why have I moved five
times in the last 5 1/2 years?
January 28, 2003
The joys of
long-distance apartment hunting: It's hard enough to find a nice place to
live in a town that you know. But in an unfamiliar town? Forget it.
January 14, 2003
Adventures in
grocery shopping: All I wanted to do was make some spinach dip for a dinner
party. The spandex was highly unnecessary.
January 7, 2003
Observations
and rants about the Truckee Meadows: Dogs are running amok. The Riverside 12
theater is packed. California drivers are morons. It's all true.
December 31, 2002
A Truckee
Meadows shopping misadventure: The weather's bad, I am driving a tank for a
car, and I can't figure out what to buy Mom for Christmas. It's a Truckee
Meadows holiday tale.
December 24, 2002
Answering some
fake letters that blew in: In the wake of the record-breaking wind storm, we
answer some more made-up reader mail.
December 17, 2002
Christmas in
Nevada: Holiday weirdness: Egg nog. A fake Christmas tree. An HBO
documentary on the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. You've gotta love Christmas in Nevada.
December 10, 2002
Save the
Liberty Belle! Lashings for the RSCVA!: The government -- i.e. the RSCVA --
is trying to take land -- i.e., the Liberty Belle -- from its owner for no good
reason. This is wrong!
December 3, 2002
Giving thanks
for taxpayer-funded Thanksgiving statistics: Did you know the government
regularly compiles stats on, say, sweet potato consumption? Well, they do!
November 26, 2002
The phrase
"square rutabaga": bringing folks together: By total accident, I used the
phrase "square rutabaga" in a column a while back. Well, thanks to this phrase
and the Internet, a connection has been made.
November 19, 2002
National
Airlines, we hardly knew ye: It's always risky to make reservations with an
airline teetering on bankruptcy. I learned this the hard way.
November
12, 2002
Wake up! It's
Election Day! I said WAKE UP!: It's Election Day again. Here are some more
tips on how to make your voting experience as festive as possible.
November 5, 2002
More evidence
that God has a sick sense of humor: A meal at one of Reno's finest
restaurants for me turned into a couple days of sitting on one of Reno's most
unfortunate toilets.
October 29, 2002
Attack of the
chain stores reaches Northern Nevada -- again: I went to Reno to get away
from all the weird trappings of Vegas. And guess what I find? Trappings!!!
October 22, 2002
Holidays like
Columbus Day make me cranky: Columbus Day is now one of those weird middling
holidays in which it's kind of observed by society, but not really. This blows.
October 15, 2002
Fear and
loathing at the Battle for the Fremont Cannon: There was no question
weirdness and ugliness would ensue at the UNR-UNLV football game. The only
question was what form it would take.
October 8, 2002
In defense of
the right to be tossed: The U.N. Human Rights Committee last week handed
down a landmark ruling on dwarf tossing. No, really. They did.
October
1, 2002
Frequently
asked questions about that pot proposal: The Daily Sparks Tribune Humor
Column Department was asked (not really) to answer some common questions about
the marijuana ballot initiative.
September 24, 2002
Cell phones,
lottery numbers and beet peelers: In this column consisting of made-up
letters, I address phone abusers, Sept. 11 eerie coincidences and the art of
beet peeling.
September 17, 2002
Northern
Nevada-themed TV shows we'd like to see: As the gunk that is the new TV
season starts, I thought I'd throw out some Northern Nevada-themed ideas for new
shows.
September 10, 2002
Weirdness and
confusion during Election 2002: Conservatives are talking about the need for
big government. Incumbents are biting the dust. Our leaders are named "Kenny"
and "Lorraine." What in the heck?
September 3, 2002
Jimmy's cars 3,
Jimmy 0: I have always been cursed with cars that break down at horrible
times. Well, I just had foot surgery, and I had to drive somewhere. Guess what
happened?
August 27, 2002
The contentious
vibe in the Biggest Little City: A weekend trip to Reno revealed that the
big little city I love has some issues -- and the vibe was not a good
one.
August 20, 2002
When it comes
to baseball, Reno strikes out: Because of a decrepit stadium and moronic
city management, Reno doesn't have minor-league baseball. And that's a
shame.
August 13, 2002
Caught while in
the act of self-Googling: Admit it: You've self-Googled. That is, you've
searched the Internet for references to yourself. We've all done it, and it's
healthy. It's normal. At least that's what Joycelyn Elders says.
August
6, 2002
A transcript of
the special session, day 1: As Nevada's Gang of 63 convened in Carson City,
here's an educated guess about what happened.
July 30, 2002
Can you hear
the screams?: All over the country, people are freaking out upon getting
their quarterly 401(k) statements. Is this idiot stock market ever going to turn
it around?
July 23, 2002
Hot enough for
ya? Neener neener!: It reached 108 one day last week in Reno, while it only
got up to 106 in Las Vegas, where I live. Yes, it was time to rub that fact in
to my readers up north.
July 16, 2002
High-level art
used for high-level waste: The plans for Yucca Mountain hit home to me when
I saw a rendering of what the signage will look like after the dump is filled
and isolated. In a serious way, it made me wonder: What are we doing to
ourselves?
July 9, 2002
Having a ball
with the media during a tragedy: So a daily newspaper in Denver prints an
enormous front-page photo with a guy in which it appears a testicle is hanging
out. The paper says it was a shadow; the guy says it was one of his boys.
Whatever.
July 2, 2002
Terrorists
suck; they should be whacked: It all started when a guy claimed he overheard
terrorists while he was on his cell phone. All of a sudden, there's a media
circus, a ranting mayor and moist underwear.
June 25, 2002
When a
relationship goes up in smoke: A Colorado fire that destroyed dozens of
homes and burned hundreds of thousands of acres was apparently started by a
woman scorned. Yet another case of love psychosis rears its ugly
head.
June 18, 2002
Two prime
examples of journalistic suckage: There are times I am embarrassed to be a
journalist. But, hey, it beats being a poodle molester.
June 11,
2002
Where, exactly,
is the West Wing, Joe Tooter?: Topics in this batch of made-up reader
letters concern the location of the West Wing, Las Vegas weather and the name
Patty Poodlewacker.
June 4, 2002
The turning
point in the Yucca fight: Babe's farmer: Nevada's senators and members have
been doing all they can to stop nuclear waste from coming to Yucca Mountain,
even bringing in people like James Cromwell and Ed Begley Jr. to speak out
against it. Two words: Nevada's screwed.
May 28, 2002
A comprehensive
guide to Nevada political parties: Did you know that there are eight
officially recognized political parties in Nevada? Did you know there's such a
thing as the Emigration Party? We address these questions, as well as others,
using at least two references to "hog snot."
May 21, 2002
Examining that
'natural male enhancement' commercial: Yet another shocking commercial has
hit the airwaves, and this one is talking about "natural male enhancement."
Here's what I learned about this ad. Call it a growing experience.
May
14, 2002
New wheels, new
payments and new anxiety: After last week's car experiences, I got to
thinking. And that led to me getting a new car. Read all about it in this
special weekend column.
May 12, 2002
Adjusting
cautiously to the unfamiliar vehicle: I was in Reno for the weekend while my
car stayed behind in Las Vegas. That meant I was behind the wheel of Mom's car.
I am glad to announce that there were only several near-miss major
accidents.
April 30, 2002
Do these
animals know something we humans don't?: Wolves hungry for ice cream.
Pooches hungry for cash. Turkeys hungry for revenge. This is my version of "When
Animals Attack."
April 23, 2002
People who just
need to go away: Stupid people. People who like daylight "savings" time.
People who are attacked by bunnies. They all just need to get outta
here.
April 16, 2002
This is why
journalists like to drink a lot: In this series of imaginary viewer letters,
we discuss newspaper errors and briefly revisit the previous Celine Dion
column.
April 9, 2002
A plan to stop
Nevada's growth: Celine Dion: In the spirit of April Fools' Day, I wrote a
fake news story about a secret government plot to curtail Nevada growth. The
headline says it all.
March 26, 2002
Fear and
loathing in public restrooms: I was watching a basketball game at a sports
bar when I had to use the restroom. That inspired this column-rant.
March
19, 2002
These people
deserve a dodge ball to the head: There is a growing movement across the
country to ban dodge ball because, well, it's a mean and nasty game. Gimme a
break!
March 12, 2002
TV offers many
harmless, yet embarrassing pleasures: OK, I admit it: I love dorky old shows
such as "The Golden Girls" and "Match Game." Call them my TV guilty
pleasures.
March 5, 2002
Tales of
glowing groins and inane headline writers: In this batch of made-up letters,
topics include black light issues and Olympic annoyances.
February 26,
2002
Time for
another channel-surfing adventure: Time for yet another journey through TV
channels; this time, things go horribly wrong.
February 19, 2002
The attorney
general and the hooter-baring statue: This column is newsworthy because I
actually say nice things about George W. Bush. But before that, I discuss what a
dolt his attorney general is.
February 12, 2002
Tales of bingo
robberies and prostitute on-the-job safety: Yet more unbelievable news
stories involving a group of seniors who wouldn't let a little armed robbery
stop their bingo game, and government safety regulations for Australian
hookers.
February 5, 2002
Paranoia reigns
until the insurance kicks in: All was dandy until I got the sore throat. But
now, because I am uninsured, I am freaking out.
January 29, 2002
Pretzels,
groundhog terrorism represent national threats: The news events of the week:
The world reacts to George W. Bush's pretzel mishap, and groundhogs are
apparently potential terrorist targets, too. Please avoid shooting beverages out
your nose.
January 22, 2002
Fondly missing
that beautiful Reno-Sparks traffic: After six weeks as a Las Vegas area
resident, I have decided that Truckee Meadows drivers are delightful in
comparison to the cretins in Southern Nevada.
January 15, 2002
The uniquely
Nevada issue of legalized prostitution: A recent newspaper article got me
thinking about legalized prostitution and the ethical issues behind this
distinctively Nevadan industry. Here are those thoughts.
January 8,
2002
Time for yet
some more Top 10 lists: Around every New Year's, the media floods the
country with inane, repetitive Top 10 lists. Well ... here are some
more!
January 2, 2002
The bad weather
conspiracy against me: All my life, I've experienced bad weather almost
every time I took a road trip. I used to think it was just a coincidence. Now, I
am not so sure.
December 18, 2001
Donuts and
Sinatra slots vs. pirates and warlords: Warlords and pirates are making news
in other parts of the world. In Northern Nevada, the big news: Krispy Kreme's
opening. Sing after me: It's a weird world aaaafter
aaall...
December 11, 2001
Shopping tips
on dealing with seasonal help: This week, in part two of my holiday shopping
tips series, I dispense knowledge on how to deal with temporary holiday workers.
Be very afraid.
December 4, 2001
Some tips for
the festive holiday shopping season: Thanksgiving is in the rear-view
mirror, and the December holidays are rapidly approaching. That means it's time
to shop! I weigh in with some of my very own Truckee Meadows shopping
tips.
November 27, 2001
Filing for
unemployment: a full-time job: I tried to file for unemployment benefits
using the state of Nevada's phone system. But I didn't have 2 1/2 hours to wait
on hold.
November 20, 2001
Local
luminaries square off in 'Truckee Meadows Survivor': My Aug. 22, 2000 column
about an imaginary Truckee Meadows version of "Survivor" proved to be one of my
most talked-about columns ever. Here is a follow-up to that column, with a whole
new group of castaways.
November 13, 2001
Imaginary
letters regarding the November Classic: I answer yet more made-up letters
from readers. This batch of fake mail all has to do with the amazing 2001 World
Series.
November 6, 2001
Living life
waiting for 'Candle in the Wind': I was able to attend Elton John's concert
in Reno. It was the first big-time concert I had ever attended, and I learned
I've been missing a lot -- domestic squabbles, women in skimpy attire, etc. --
by not attending such concerts.
October 30, 2001
Becoming a
victim of the icky economy: Sept. 11 and the poor economy led to a pink slip
for me. But word got out around the office about the impending canning before I
was actually canned -- leading to some interesting behavior on the part of my
sympathetic co-workers.
October 23, 2001
Can you show me
how to get to Bangladesh?: Bert, of "Sesame Street" fame, popped up on
anti-American protesters' signs, right next to Osama bin Laden, in Bangladesh.
Seriously. I examine the issue.
October 16, 2001
From cold to
cake in a few easy steps!: A chain of events in my life started with me
going to a football game while sick. It ended with a wired, itchy me making a
cake. Go figure.
October 9, 2001
Reading the
world the other way: I was with a group of friends one night at a casino
coffee shop. We were all tired, and I unintentionally came up with a weird
backwards word game that has occupied my mind ever since.
October 2,
2001
The importance
of defending freedom at all costs: The world is different since Sept. 11 --
just watch how late-night talk shows are dealing with things. But despite these
differences, we must uphold what makes America great: freedom.
September
25, 2001
Floating over
Reno, freaking out pooches: This column, which was supposed to run Sept. 11
but didn't because of the horrors of that day, is about my experience going up
in a hot air balloon during the Great Reno Balloon Race.
September 18,
2001
Flying marriage
proposals and sexual propositions: I've seen everything from marriage
propositions to sexual propositions on airline flights this summer. What's the
deal?
September 4, 2001
College is in
session, and I feel old: It has been a full four years since I started
college. This means a whole group of students has started and graduated since my
university days. Goodness!
August 28, 2001
Time to answer
mail -- the non-fake kind: While I have written many columns about fake
letters over the years, here's a first: a column about real letters.
August 21, 2001
Checks
certifying moral and logical bankruptcy: While I have expressed my views on
George W. Bush's incompetence before, this whole tax refund scheme has really
got my figurative goat.
August 14, 2001
The amazing,
incredible, tiny all-at-once bathroom: I recently stayed with a college
friend who has an apartment featuring what is believed to be the smallest
bathroom in the state of California.
August 7, 2001
Mission:
impossible means throwing a clean bachelor party: For the third time in my
life, I was recently involved in a nontraditional bachelor party -- no booze, no
naked women, no misbehavin'. Well, maybe there was a little misbehavin' ...
July 31, 2001
Viewer mail
answered in between coughing fits: The columns that I have to write every so
often when I'm ill are always weird. Having said that, this is one of my better
writing efforts while sick ... not that THAT is saying much.
July 24,
2001
T-shirts,
ralphing episodes and vials between headlights: I was fortunate enough to go
to New Orleans for a newspaper convention. There, I saw things -- weird things,
alarming things, astounding things -- that I will never forget.
July 17,
2001 (Version in July 20, 2001 Las Vegas Mercury)
The reason why
I had bird seed down my pants: I was stunned by what I saw -- and what I
learned about the Biggest Little City -- when I went to a special showing of
"The Rocky Horror Picture Show."
July 10, 2001
Things to avoid
when dealing with editors: I work as the editor of the Reno News &
Review as my full-time gig. And you would not believe how some people act like
dorks when dealing with editors. Here, I get it off my chest. It was
therapeutic.
July 3, 2001
Yet another
batch of fearless, senseless predictions: Every year (at least the ones from
1998 to 2001), I get out my wise-ass crystal ball and make predictions about the
future of Sparks for the annual "Looking to the 21st Century" special issue.
Here's what happened this year (2001).
June 29, 2001
Finding a whole
new culture at the gym: People act differently at the gym. They run around
naked, and social status is thrown out the window. It's a whole different
culture.
June 26, 2001
Square
watermelons and Homer Simpson immortalized: "Doh" is in the dictionary, and
they're making square watermelons in Japan that cost $82. What the hell is wrong
with this world?
June 19, 2001
Legislature
shows it's time to split up Nevada: It was a tough 2001 Legislature for
Northern Nevada, which was royally Perkinsed (I explain in the column). Is it
time for Nevada to split into two?
June 12, 2001
The pros and
cons of growing facial hair: About two weeks ago, I decided to grow a
mustache and goatee. It's been quite an experience.
June 5, 2001
A close
encounter with Marilyn and Carol: It's amazing that one can wake up in the
morning and have no clue whatsoever that, by the end of the day, a man in a
dress, trying to like Marilyn Monroe and pulling it off quite impressively, will
be sitting on one's lap.
May 29, 2001
The dot-com
collapse is not funny for everyone: The collapse of numerous Internet
companies has some people laughing -- and others picking up the pieces of broken
dreams.
May 22, 2001
Power crisis
demonstrates geographical divisions, so there: The power problems in
California are highlighting the fact that geographical divisions -- like the
state line between California and Nevada -- really do matter, even if these
lines aren't literal. Yes, this is a humor column, even if it sounds serious. I
promise.
May 15, 2001
Freeway
repairs, sneeze guards and Bea Arthur: I answer some more made-up letters.
Special guest stars in this column include Janet Reno, Björk and the Nevada
Department of Transportation.
May 8, 2001
The phone
company is trying to push us toward war: When the phone company introduced
caller ID, it was the first step toward all-out phoning Armageddon.
Really.
May 1, 2001
Doing the
skinny while dodging enormous hair balls: In this column, I pay tribute --
sort of -- to that mainstay of American journalism: The Weekly World
News.
April 24, 2001
Cargo holds,
baseball players and midgets, oh my!: Straight from the headlines to you,
this column examines some of the weirder news items of the last week. This led
to two of the most ridiculous sentences I have ever written, which finish up my
column. Enjoy!
April 17, 2001
The kick
without enough arch that got the Arch: This really happened: A some young
men line up for a field goal on Virginia Street. Their "uprights": the Reno
Arch. Let's just say the kick was a bit low.
April 10, 2001
Going to the
psychic faire and going psycho: My friend Christina dragged me to a recent
psychic faire. After a bout with toe rings, tarot cards and clueless psychics, I
needed therapy.
April 3, 2001
Sign up today
for shows like 'Yaks of the Serengeti': Several times a year, your local
public television station holds high-pressure pledge drives. And they're all the
same, no matter what city you're in.
March 27, 2001
Time to kill
off Spring Break; it's Springer's fault: I was stuck at home during a
snowstorm just a few weeks back, and I saw something that convinced me it is
time to abolish Spring Break for college students. Read the column, and I
promise you'll come to the same conclusion.
March 20, 2001
Random rants in
celebration of March Madness: This is more of a sports column than anything
else, but what the hell. It's March, and I am suffering from madness over UNLV,
Rick Pitino and other hoops-related issues.
March 13, 2001
The train
trench debacle and the debacle who's president: It's time for a column of
made-up letters and my replies. You can guess the topics from the headline.
March 6, 2001
Comparing the
dance clubs: country vs. alternative: In an effort to try to understand
dancing better, I visited Reno's most prominent country dance club and Reno's
most prominent gay dance club. It would turn out to be a futile effort.
February 27, 2001
Failing to
understand the 'logic' of PETA: The members of People for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals seem to have their hearts in the right place. Now, if only
their brains were in the right place ...
February 20, 2001
It's raining
outside. Now it's sunny. Now snow... : The weather was gorgeous a few weeks
back. Now, it's snowing. I think Mother Nature is being mean. I want it to be
SPRING!
February 13, 2001
Tugging at an
important issue for certain men: An article at Salon.com had me literally
shouting out in horror. What was this article about? I'll give you a clue: it
involves plastic Easter eggs, suspenders and a very private part of the male
anatomy. You've been warned.
February 6, 2001
Time for
another trip around the television set: I take another jaunt around the
telly with the remote control, and I find the programs -- including "Friends,"
"Survivor: The Australian Outback," and ESPN college basketball -- to be weird
and alarming.
January 30, 2001
The next place
for corporate sponsorships: politicians: Corporate ads and sponsorships are
everywhere these days, from sports stadiums to football college bowl games to
episodes of "Friends." Well, I think it's about damn time the last frontier of
corporate sponsorships is reached: elected officials.
January 23,
2001
Phone book
covers worse than those Laub & Laub ads: I once again answer fake
letters, addressing such topics as licking, those Laub & Laub phone book
ads, porn Web sites and Tattoo from "Fantasy Island."
January 16,
2001
If catnip is
legal, then marijuana should be, too: My sweet little cat turned into a
maniacal terror during his first -- and, if I have anything to say about it,
last -- experience with catnip. Why is this "herb" legal when others (i.e.
cannabis) aren't?
January 9, 2001
What do club
cards and Björk monsters have in common?: You want to simply go into a store
and buy an item at an advertised price. But no -- you need a club card
first. EVIL!!!
January 2, 2001
Looking to
history to explain the stupid calendar: Have you ever wondered why some
months have 30 days, why others have 31, and why February is a total mutant? Me
too. So, I did a little research.
December 26, 2000
The lack of
patient dignity in modern medicine: People are getting buried before they're
dead. Men are being given forms saying throat biopsies will make them sterile.
And what the @#%$ is with those drafty medical gowns? Modern medicine is
certainly not always patient-friendly.
December 19, 2000
If these are
signs of the times, we're screwed: There have been some crazy signs sighted
around town lately. Here's a recap.
December 12, 2000
Would you like
fries with that chicken head?: This headline pretty much says all that needs
to be said. Read on -- that is, unless you're eating.
December 5,
2000
The amazing
power and humor of words: Certain words are funny, for some mysterious
reason. Chads. Pants. Boaters. Boaters?
November 28, 2000
Trying to lose
weight during holidays? Good luck!: I recently started an exercise and diet
program in an effort to lose a few pesky pounds. Man, is my timing
bad.
November 21, 2000
The aftermath
of the "Schmeineke" column: I received a registered letter following the
Oct. 10 column. Here is what transpired. Don't worry; it's a good
thing.
November 14, 2000
What's with all
the goofy campaign mug shots?: Did you see all the weird political mug shots
this year? What messages are these candidates trying to send?
November 7,
2000
Nevada gets its
moment in the political sunshine: The week before the election, Nevada is
being visited by major campaigners for both presidential candidates. Is this
weird or what?
October 31, 2000
E-mail spam is
neither wonderful nor lovely: I got an e-mail hawking herbal Viagra last
week -- 400 times. Yes, folks, I was spammed.
October 24, 2000
Send a 7-11
somewhere to decrease the deficit: There are three 7-11 stores within 1.5
miles near my house. I say we export them, along with small, annoying dogs and
apostrophes, to another country.
October 17, 2000
Yes, you WILL
pay a lot for that muffler: I took my car in for some repairs at one place;
the people there said it would cost $1,400 to fix. The second place? They said
$400. Why are the difference? It comes down to honesty vs. the art of the
screw.
October 10, 2000
It's time to
de-worm some U.S. Senate candidates: The John Ensign -- Ed Bernstein race
for the U.S. Senate is getting ugly. Make it STOP!!!
October 3, 2000
Those
animatronic animals creeped me out: I had the pleasure of attending a
birthday party at Reno's Chuck E. Cheese recently. And I've decided that their
animatronic band is completely evil.
September 26, 2000
Taking a look
back at the style of today: In 20 years, what will people think about the
clothes and styles of today? Something tells me they'll be laughing.
Uncontrollably.
September 19, 2000
Pronounce
'Nevada' correctly or else... : Folks from out of state can't pronounce
"Nevada" correctly. I really learned this when I went off to college, and
discovered how stupid some "smart" people can be.
September 12, 2000
Tips on making
the electoral process more interesting: This primary election didn't have
much going on, at least as far as Sparks residents were concerned. Therefore, I
thought up some ways to spice up the trip to the polling place.
September
5, 2000
Now, what is
the deal with that sign at AM/PM?: Without a doubt, this is one of the most
immature, potty-humor-laden columns I've ever written. But after learning about
the Pump Pass and Nads, I couldn't help it.
August 29, 2000
Who will win in
'Truckee Meadows Survivor'?: A day before the much-anticipated finale of
"Survivor," I wonder: What would be a version of "Survivor," with Truckee
Meadows well-knowns, be like?
August 22, 2000
My car is evil
and it doesn't like me: My car has a tendency to run perfectly -- until I am
doing something very important. Then, it breaks down. I am convinced this is
because my car despises me.
August 15, 2000
Why it can be
embarrassing not to pay attention: In this column that mysteriously ran on a
Sunday instead of a Tuesday, I talk about how I ended up laughing harder than I
had in months -- and how laughing can truly be the best medicine.
August
13, 2000
They call it
sushi; don't argue about it: Being a Nevadan, you would not think I would be
into sushi. But I am. Here, I explain why that is the case. I also extrapolate
on why all people who claim that raw fish isn't sushi should blow it out their
snout.
August 1, 2000
What is in the
future for Sparks?: My third annual Sparks "predictions" column for the
Tribune's "Looking to the 21st century" special issue.
July 28,
2000
The best vice
president ever? Dan Quayle!: It's that special time of a presidential year,
when everyone is all aflutter over the vice-presidential picks. I take this
opportunity to tribute the best No. 2 man America's ever had -- J. Danforth
Quayle.
July 25, 2000
I am a
procrastinator, but I am never late: For some reason, I am a person who
always waits until the last possible moment to do what needs to get done. But it
gets done, and not a second late.
July 18, 2000
Looking at
alternatives to washing the laundry: Laundry is an annoying thing that only
humans have to deal with. Hey, at least we don't have to clean ourselves with
our tongues like some animals.
July 11, 2000
Parking garages
are the spawn of Satan himself: They're ugly, annoying and everywhere. They
take up space. They seemingly encourage people to do stupid things. No, I am not
talking about members of Congress; I'm talking about parking garages.
June 27, 2000
You can
'localize' a story a bit too much: Some local media outlets have a tendency
to go overboard in their attempts to find local angles on stories. This drives
me up a wall.
June 20, 2000
Making sure
that stupid people don't breed: Time for more fake reader mail. This week's
topics: stupid people and funny words.
June 13, 2000
What Larry
Flynt, George W. Bush and Flea have in common: I spent four days at one of
the nicest hotel/resorts anywhere -- and I found myself longing for a Motel
6.
June 6, 2000
A list of
things to avoid doing in a large crowd: I recently attended a Little Richard
concert (WOOOOOO!) which was wonderful. However, it could have been better had
everybody followed proper crowd etiquette.
May 30, 2000
My favorite
show was canceled, and I'm cranky: When ABC canceled "Sports Night," which
is one of my favorite shows, I almost lost it. This got me thinking: Why do we
get so attached to TV shows anyway?
May 23, 2000
Battling the
oppression of the Eastern time zone: The nation runs on Eastern time.
"Saturday Night Live" isn't live here in the West, and I have to convert all the
times from Eastern to Pacific on the sports page. This sucks!
May 16,
2000
Line dancing:
One of the signs of the world's end: I have decided I hate line dancing. It
is boring drone dancing done by people in jeans that are way too tight. And line
dancers, in large groups, have even been known to stroke it. In
public!
May 9, 2000
This new wave
of commercials is far from 'perfec': In the history of commercials, business
owners have often appeared in ads for their own companies. But in the
Sparks-Reno area, these commercials have gone too far.
May 2, 2000
Exploring the
taboo topic of the old-person smell: This column was two years in the
making, as a previous Tribune editor wouldn't allow me to do it. At long last,
here it is.
April 25, 2000
These PR folks
have too much time on their hands: In the last week, I have received three
press releases from the Pork Information Bureau. After delving into these
releases, I was lead to a Web site called otherwhitemeat.com. It was one of the
highlights of my life.
April 18, 2000
Those damn
Beach Boys kept me from Regis: All that stood between me and a shot at "Who
Wants to be a Millionaire" were five questions. Leave it to the Beach Boys to
mess me up.
April 11, 2000
Why the time
change should be history: Cranky because I lost an hour thanks to the time
change, I vent my frustration.
April 4, 2000
A typical
cruise around the good ol' TV set: A night at home watching television
around these parts can be a frightening experience. Thank goodness for the
remote control!
March 28, 2000
A stunning
moment of introspection for Big Jim: After a phone call from a stranger, I
realize that I can no longer deny a very important part of who I am.
March 21, 2000
Nevada needs to
be more like New Hampshire: Nevada doesn't have a presidential primary, and
I think this sucks. A frank discussion of this topic -- and the word "caucus" --
is what this column is about.
2000 Nevada Press Association award
winner
March 14, 2000
Defending and
criticizing the men in blue: After a University of Nevada baseball game, I
ponder: Why do umpires get so much abuse? And why can't they admit it when they
are wrong?
March 7, 2000
This column
comes along only once every 14,000 years: I did a little math and discovered
that a Tuesday on Feb. 29 in a millennium year is truly rare. In an unrelated
vein, I also wonder: Why do some local police officers disrespect the law?
February 29, 2000
Lawyers can
delay you from your cookies: Lawyers are responsible for a lot of stupid
things. One example: those really, really stupid warning labels on some items.
They're also the reason the cookies at Starbucks are always
cold.
February 22, 2000
Looking at the
weird presidential candidates: In this column, I ponder all the current
candidates for the U.S. presidency. And Canada is looking nice this time of
year.
February 15, 2000
Answering a
bevy of those made-up letters: I take some time to answer reader mail that
is completely made up. And I answer the question: What do Mickey Gilley and
James Brown have in common?
February 8, 2000
Learning
lessons about the female of the species: Being stuck in a car with four
women for 10 hours gave me some insight into human females. Frightening
insight.
February 1, 2000
A brief history
of the Mapes Hotel, 1172-2000: In my own little way, I make tribute to the
Mapes Hotel by making up a history for the former building which makes no sense
whatsoever.
2000 Nevada Press Association award winner
January
25, 2000
Someone please
find a psychologist for these teams: It's January. It's cold. It may even be
snowing. And because I have apparent brain damage, I'm out playing
softball.
January 18, 2000
Dancing to "The
People's Court" theme music: An Internet site I recently discovered is
packed with tons of 1980s TV show theme songs -- including a full-length version
of "The People's Court" theme. Ah, rapture...
January 11,
2000
In-your-face
preachers should be Bible-thumped: On a recent trip to Southern California,
I ran across some Bible-thumping preachers. I was unimpressed.
January 4,
2000
Writing a humor
column in several easy steps: I answer a fictitious letter from a made-up
reader. In the process of explaining how I write a column, I answer the
question: Is Jimmy really a drunk Martian squirrel?
December 28,
1999
Creak bang! Ah,
the joys of apartment-style living: My upstairs neighbors are enjoying each
other's company. That fine, but they're enjoying it a little too much.
December 21, 1999
Keeping the
best perspective this Christmas season: In this semi-serious column, I
ponder the true meaning of Christmas with the help of a friend who is no longer
in America.
December 14, 1999
Please don't
get overly friendly at the holiday wing-ding: At a corporate Christmas party
I recently attended, some people went WAY overboard with a public display of
affection.
December 7, 1999
Exploring the
non-compliant brains of Y2K morons: I completely understand why some people
are being cautious and preparing for possible Y2K problems. However, I can't
understand how some people are being so stupid in their efforts to prepare.
November 30, 1999
If only they
hadn't dropped the chalupa...: A really, really stupid football player and a
famous Taco Bell commercial combine to make up one of the funniest news accounts
in recent memory.
November 23, 1999
If Griffy goes
to London, does Jimmy go to Titicaca?: Some local politicians are off
spending taxpayer money, supposedly to promote the area. Can we go, too?
November 16, 1999
Another
conspiracy theory: commie Smurfs!: It's a little known fact that the Smurfs,
it seems, were actually a bunch of little communists.
November 9,
1999
The arrival of
a cold means the departure of comfort: I hate colds. My bitterness about
this topic shows in this column -- written as I come down with a cold.
November 2, 1999
The weird
variety of little quirks that we all have: All of us have our little quirks,
ranging from a desire to smell money to an involuntary sweating problem at
McDonald's.
October 26, 1999
This is NOT the
column of erectile dysfunction: This column covers two new topics: a
ridiculous new commercial about penis problems; and buying jewelry at Super
K-mart. The two topics aren't really linked, but who cares?
October 19,
1999
Cones, Flaggers
and Detours: Ah, Construction!: Trapped in traffic while listening to a
University of Nevada football game, I kind of snapped. Time to write a column.
October 12, 1999
Moving can make
your car smell like Italian dressing: I hate moving. I really do. However,
that's exactly what I found myself doing recently.
October 5, 1999
Some casinos
reaching new levels of tackiness in the area: When it comes to the
tackiness, a new neon sign and a new overgrown shed are plunging the area toward
new lows.
September 28, 1999
One region, one
vision, many motivations: The Reno Gazette-Journal publisher is leading an
effort to come up with a community vision project. Shouldn't the paper worry
about the news first?
September 21, 1999
A few
classified ads we're expecting to see: Some political classified ads that we
made up -- that seem all too real, in some cases.
September 14,
1999
Clip and save:
tips for rib cook-off attendees: The Nugget Rib Cook-Off hits Sparks. As a
veteran attendee, I offer my tips for the event.
September 7, 1999
Cell phone
users and the proctologists who love them: There are places for cell phones,
and there are places where they are inappropriate.
2000 Nevada Press
Association award winner
August 31, 1999
Sit down, chill
out, and have a carrot: A woman claims Bugs Bunny is sexist ... what if this
woman moved to the Truckee Meadows?
August 24, 1999
Proof that
karaoke can cause serious problems: A night at a sports bar that ends in
karaoke disaster...
August 17, 1999
Moving along,
but not moving very far away: My sappy farewell to the Tribune as an
employee.
August 10, 1999
The dangers of
becoming obsessed with an object: The obsessions people have with material
goods can lead to some problems.
August 3, 1999
Looking into
Sparks' crystal ball: My annual wise-ass predictions column for the
Tribune's 21st century preview issue.
July 30, 1999
Contemplating
humanity while in line at the DMV: My observations as I stood in line for 91
minutes.
July 27, 1999
Buffet 101:
Lessons on all-you-can-eat dining etiquette: My answer to a fake letter
seeking tips on buffet eating.
July 20, 1999
Gaining mental
clarity while hiking in the wilderness: I confess to actually buying a
Vanilla Ice CD in a column that is actually about hiking.
July 13,
1999
The rise and
fall of Councilman Albright: A typo in the big local newspaper elevates a
colleague of mine to elected office.
July 6, 1999
From bras to
church, we all need to show respect: A follow-up to last week's column; a
discussion of respecting the values and comfort of others.
June 29,
1999
Raising the bar
on the level playing field where danger lurks: My discussion of journalism
cliches, along with a separate, brief (HA!) item about a woman walking into
Sears wearing only a bra above the waist.
June 22, 1999
Finding the
American Dream at a graduation: A sappy piece about the graduation of a
friend, and how the graduation represented what America is all about.
June 15, 1999
Another
election down... Whoops! Another one! AGAIN???: Exactly what it says...
June 8, 1999
The emotional
dilemmas we must face while doing laundry: I vent about the issues I face
every time I have to do freaking laundry.
June 1, 1999
Down by 23:
Watching the carnage from right field: I am manager of a softball team, and
I write about a game that was not going so well.
May 25, 1999
A stylebook to
understanding why journalists like booze: I mock the Associated Press
styleguide, a journalist's right-hand companion -- and worst nightmare.
May 18, 1999
Tell us what
you think is goofy about the area: I ask readers to write in and tell me
what they think is weird in Northern Nevada. I did not write a follow-up,
because only several people wrote in.
May 11, 1999
A day at the
ballpark -- with middle-schoolers: On vacation, I go to an Oakland Athletics
baseball game. The American Pastime has never seemed so weird.
May 4,
1999
SQUEAK SQUEAK
PUTTER RATTLE -- Jimmy's here!: An ode to my old, dying car.
April
27, 1999
The new Burger
King is a real whopper, folks... In Reno, the prototype of a new Burger King
opens; here is my take on the new Home of the Whopper.
April 20,
1999
Suspects abound
in Sparky's disappearance: Sparky the Tribune Trout, the lovable plastic
mascot of the Tribune newsroom, seriously disappears; he has not been seen
since. This is a list of the suspects in his mysterious demise.
April
13, 1999
Softball season
is here! Bring out the beer: My attendance at a softball managers' meeting
motivates me to hit the suds.
April 6, 1999
Trying to
understand why humans find pain to be funny: I often find myself laughing at
pain -- like all humans do. Why do we laugh at something that, logically,
shouldn't be funny?
March 30, 1999
I guess the
government really needs my $212: As I prepare to send in my income tax
check, I ponder what how much the government really needs that money.
March 23, 1999
Sparky the
Tribune Trout for mayor in 1999: The launching of Sparky the Tribune Trout's
ill-fated campaign to become mayor.
March 16, 1999
Watching out
for the Girl Scouts and those cookies: After this column ran -- theorizing
that cookie-selling girl scouts may be evil -- I received free cookies. Good
stuff!
March 9, 1999
Capitalism:
It's here to stay, so let's deal with it: Some people feel chain bookstores
are bad. I, personally, think those people are morons.
March 2,
1999
A disgusting
lesson in being a doer rather than a watcher: A bad experience at a Burger
King led to this column, as well as a moral dilemma.
February 23,
1999
What will the
media cover now, post-impeachment: The impeachment drama of Bill Clinton
finally ends. What, oh what will the media ever do?
February 16,
1999
Valentine's
Day: Is it evil, or is it excellent: It's time yet again for Valentine's
Day. I debate the pros and cons of this supposed holiday.
February 9,
1999
The evil demon
cold from hell strikes again: Everyone around here has been stricken with a
terrible cold. This gives me a chance to use the phrase "serious booger" in a
column.
February 2, 1999
Sheepish about
dips who say 'THE paper': My editor, his wife and I recently attended a
performance of "Sheep Dip," a local political parity. I'm not sure what was
worse -- the buffet we ate at before hand, or the fact that the Tribune was
insulted.
January 26, 1999
Violence on the
roadways becoming all the rage: I was a bit peeved when a Les
Nessman-lookalike flipped me off one day because I did something nice for him on
the roadways. Here, I vent.
January 19, 1999
I really don't
care if you're having that 'not so fresh' feeling: Bob Dole discussing
Viagra. Women discussing "freshness" on the beach. And what exactly are the
"certain sexual side effects" of those pills? Ah, TV commercials are getting out
of hand...
1999 Nevada Press Association award winner
January
12, 1999
Going to the
gym can be a very sadistic experience: I hadn't visited the gym for a while,
and when I finally returned, things actually went better than I expected. That
is, until I woke up the next morning.
January 5, 1999
Laughing and
crying while looking back at 1998: In this somewhat sappy column, I look
back on all that happened to myself and the community in 1998. Grab a hanky...
December 29, 1998
Some gifts I'd
like to see given this Christmas: Here's my wishful-thinking Christmas
shopping list. What would I buy a number of community officials and leaders if I
could?
December 22, 1998
Jimmy debates:
Should Clinton be impeached?: I started off writing this unsure whether
Clinton deserved to be impeached for the whole Lewinsky thing. In the column, I
debated myself -- and came up with a conclusion which surprised me.
December 15, 1998
Annoyed by
telemarketers? Get even!: Of all the humor columns I've ever written, this
has to be my favorite. Here it is, the infamous telemarketer column.
1999
Nevada Press Association award winner
December 8, 1998 (Version in
July 27, 2001 Las Vegas Mercury)
Twas The Night
Before Hometowne Christmas: I penned this for the Tribune's annual Hometowne
Christmas issue. It proved to be very popular.
December 3, 1998
Tips from a
retail worker on how to be a good shopper: This has to be one of my most
bitter columns. It was the result of working the two busiest weeks of the year
in retail.
December 1, 1998
Thanksgiving: A
time of year to be thankful: It's Thanksgiving, and I list what I was
thankful for. Some of them are serious; others are funny (but serious, too).
November 24, 1998
'Tis the season
for rudeness in shopping, fa la la la la...: A column about the dangers of
working in retail during the holiday shopping season. Note this column is
nowhere as bitter as the one two weeks later.
November 17, 1998
Domestic
violence: a shattered picture of a young family: After witnessing a
domestic-violence incident, my image of a young family is shattered. There is no
humor in this column, but it's one I'm proud of.
November 10, 1998
No more ads! No
more ads! Election Day is here!: After a particularly heinous election year,
at least as far as campaign ads go, it's time to celebrate.
November 3,
1998
Fearless,
senseless predictions for the Rail City's next 100 years: My first
predictions column. This appears annually (well, at least it has the last two
years) in the Tribune's "Looking to the 21st century" issue. The column is
always popular. I'm not sure why.
1999 Nevada Press Association award
winner
September 29, 1998
The outdated
names of Reno can lead to confusion: Gemco. Clarion. The MGM. "B" Street.
You know what I'm talking about if you've been around Reno for a while. Also, I
say farewell (temporarily) to my column.
June 16, 1998
Typos -- A
jurnalist's werst nghtmare: They are truly what every journalist dreads --
mistakes in their stories. And the word "public" is especially dangerous.
June 9, 1998
Remembering all
the good when faced with evil: This is a serious one. Being a crime reporter
will inevitably get to the most optimistic of souls. But it is important to
remember the good in the world during these times.
June 2, 1998
Wedding
whispers -- what everybody was thinking: This column got me in serious
trouble with some people, but it is completely true -- it's about what everybody
was thinking at my best friend's wedding. And they weren't thinking about the
wedding cake.
May 26, 1998
Silver Legacy
needs to get in touch with reality: Downtown Reno's Silver Legacy
Hotel-Casino claims it was established in 1895; in reality, it was established
in 1995. Why do I have a problem with this? Call me anal-retentive.
May
19, 1998
Except for a
few bugs, Sparks theatre (sic) is great: In this column about the then-new
theater in Sparks, I mention Les Nessman, farting gorillas and the gross
national product of Argentina.
May 12, 1998
Gaming is what
Nevada's all about: When I went off to college, the supermarkets were all
weird -- because they had no video poker machines inside. It's the truth: Nevada
and gaming are linked in ways outsiders can't understand.
May 5,
1998
Did you ever
have a bad face day? : My column's mug shot is sort of weird now -- but you
should have seen the mug shot we ran before for one week. It was alarming, and
it caused pregnant women to go into premature labor.
April 28, 1998
Nevada's
history may get lost in the shuffle: At the end of every column, I mention
that I am a fifth-generation Nevadan. I explain here why that is important to
me.
April 21, 1998
I like the show
so much, I named my cat Beavis: I am a fan of the show, "Beavis and
Butt-head. I have a blond, rambunctious cat, and I named him Beavis. Does this
constitute kitty abuse?
April 14, 1998
Keep those
cards and letters coming: A moron wrote the Tribune a letter criticizing two
stories: One I did about policeman, and one a colleague wrote about a senator.
He didn't like them because the articles actually had positive elements. This
letter-writer, I repeat, is a moron.
April 7, 1998
Nevada politics
get down and dirty: This is a serious column. I was ticked off because the
Nevada Republican party was being "misleading" (i.e. lying) about an initiative
petition they were passing around at the time. Note: The initiative never made
it to the ballot. Hee hee hee.
March 31, 1998
March madness
may be more than a temporary disorder: The basketball team of my alma mater,
the Stanford Cardinal, is in the Final Four. I am beside myself with joy -- a
joy that only a true sports fan can understand.
1998 Nevada Press
Association third-place award winner
March 24, 1998
Respect
shouldn't be reserved for elders: An incident in a parking lot makes me
think about the belief that we should automatically respect our elders. After
all, shouldn't we respect everyone?
1998 Nevada Press Association
third-place award winner
March 17, 1998
Keep your
labels to yourself, thank you: Ah, my first ever column. By way of
introduction, I talk about how I am neither liberal nor conservative -- just
Jimmy. I just wish some of my friends -- and many others -- would stop using
stupid political labels so much.
1998 Nevada Press Association
third-place award winner
March 10, 1998
All columns copyright Jimmy Boegle, and may not be used without written permission.
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